On Being Alone

I’m not quite sure if it’s because I’m just not a likeable person (selfish asshole that I am), or if, the older I get, the less I refuse to take people’s shit (which also ties into the whole “selfish asshole” descriptor), or if I’m just busy with university (again, “selfish asshole” doesn’t even begin to cover it) but recently I’ve been…rather alone.

All my interactions are now either short or face-to-face; no more texts blowing up my phone – though I never had much texts in the first place lmao, being the miserable loner that I am. But recently, it’s been even less; no more late-night conversations; no more constant exchange of pictures and news; no more talking just for the sake of talking, for the sake of getting human interaction with the people in your life.

When I am home, I am completely shut off from the world. Texting, which I once enjoyed as it was the only form of communication I, a shy weirdo, was comfortable with, is now always work-related, and always short. Explaining myself over text, which was once my defining feature, is now a hassle which I do not want to go through anymore.

But the strange thing is, I’m not lonely. I do not know when this transformation happened; when I went from craving attention 24/7 to being content with myself and my thoughts. I have finally freed myself from the paradoxical situation where I both wanted to feel loved and have friends while at the same time found them tiring; the latter still exists, but the former feeling has vanished, and I am finally at peace.

Anyway, this has been a post. This has been a day.